My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's blow job season.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
