You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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