I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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