he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
