She's JV to your varsity
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Are we still banned from the library?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
