this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My balls are so social today.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize