I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
