Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize