normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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