I just saw a hot homeless man
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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