Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
