I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
