if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
