Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
