There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
