He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
