We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
okay pat passed out under dana's car
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
