Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
