hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
