She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
