if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
