I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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