Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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