yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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