Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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