this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
