never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
