I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
