Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
