So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
