They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize