Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize