Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So drunk its hurt
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
