it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
