My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am available for nakedness
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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