There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
