He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
