i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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