U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
