I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
