yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
