ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
