I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
