were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
