ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
