So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
BRING THE BAGELS
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
