i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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