I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
