I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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