It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
this hospital has no fireball
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
