The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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