Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
