Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
