WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
