I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
