Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
