____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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