8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
