So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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