PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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