If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
